Find that deep part in side of you

Sacinandana Swami

Devotees can be thought of in three categories according to their advancement - conventional, committed and confidential.

A very important point is the attitude of these different devotees. The conventional devotee is usually found to ask something of Krsna. One time, I met with such devotees and they said to me, ”O Maharaja we are building a house, but there are many obstacles. We have prayed to Krsna to overcome them, and we want to ask for your blessings as well so we can build the house.” I

replied, ”Perhaps you have those obstacles, because you are poor and the house costs much more than you can afford. Perhaps you should not go to God with such unrealistic expectations, but instead scale down your material desires.” That was not a nice comment to hear for a conventional devotee. I knew that, but I wanted to see their reaction, and yes, it was predictable. 

The attitude of a committed devotee is different. He or she does not just want to get something from Krsna, but they try to surrender as much time and service as possible. Such a devotee will say: ”It’s not about me, it’s about Krsna.” I believe Prabhupada is definitely a confidential devotee, but sometimes when he preached to us, he spoke in the voice of a committed devotee: ”Everything for Krsna, and nothing for me.” Wow! This is different from a conventional devotee, isn’t it? In contrast to this a conventional devotee tends to think, ”Everything for me, and two cents for Krsna.” 

The confidential devotee has a still different attitude. They want to have intimacy with Krsna. They place Krsna’s desires above themselves at all times, and become what is called in Sanskrit kinkaris. The word kinkari means assuming a stance or position of asking ”kinkaro?” Kin means ‘what’ and karo ‘can I do’. It is coming to the master and asking ”What can I do today? Please tell me.” It is in this mood that chanting of the Holy Names most quickly brings results.

You know the word kinkari from verse five of Sri Siksastakam: 

ayi nanda-tanuja kinkaram patitam mam visame bhavambudhau

krpaya tava pada-pankaja- sthita-dhuli-sadrsam vicintaya

The beautiful poetry expresses that Krsna’s feet are like a lotus, they are always standing above the material world and we are like its pollen – they belong to the lotus flower. In the same way Mahaprabhu says, ”I belong to You, it’s unnatural that the dust is somewhere else than stuck to the lotus, in the

same way it is an unnatural situation for me to be to be separated from You and struggle for existence in this huge ocean of nescience. Now you please take me to You”. 

This is called longing. Everyone has many longings within, you just need to look at Maslow’s pyramid of needs to identify them. The first level of longing is for food, shelter and sexual gratification. Then we want to have the feeling that we are secure, appreciated and connected to others. Now, when we go

deeper, there’s also a part in us that has very spiritual longings and that turns to God. Sometimes these longings come out when we are in shock. My father told me that when the Nazis were in the trenches before Stalingrad and they where being overpowered by the Red Army, every one of them started to pray due to the shock. Yes, even Nazis prayed, because in every one of us there is this deeper side which is unfortunately so terribly covered in our lives that we just can’t access it. We have no access, since we are always busy. ”O what’s there to eat today?” ”And how do we look?” ”Beard, yes or no?” ”Do they still like me?” ”I don’t think I found my community yet.” And so on. We are caught up in this body and mind. However, when we can access the deeper part in us, you will see – we want Krsna very much. Very, very, much. And this part in us sometimes speaks especially when things don’t go the way we wish. That part wants to close this chapter of being interested in beards and likes and being on the bodily and mental level. There is a part in us which, believe it or not, is able to cry spiritual tears for Krsna.